Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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