your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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