she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
MIDGETS
????
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
