she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
