Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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