He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I deserve this hangover.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
