And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
