I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
