I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
