eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
