i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
