Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
