Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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