hotel room ftw
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
