Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
