I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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