the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
