By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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