this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
