... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
