I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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