I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
