thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
