Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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