I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
