Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
