I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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