Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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