we have officially lost it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
