discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i need some magic done to my vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
