Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
