hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
