Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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