After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
