My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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