You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
