Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
