Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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