Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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