girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
