Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
