i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Found the puke drawer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
