Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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