____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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