It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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