i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
