tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
