Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
