Just cropdusted the office
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
