remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm at about main and main street
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
